Backbone ability (I think you meant....nature and nurture)

 Each one of us are entities of our nature (biology, genetics, etc) and nurture (our family, friends and interactions). I think alongside nature and nurture there is backbone ability.

Backbone ability isn't being strong or forthright or even - being brave.

Without backbone ability - you can't reshape the nature and nurture done on too you. You are in essence, a product of all those perceptions bestowed on you when you are born - with a fathers nose, a clumsy gait, a quiet type... With backbone, you accept these natural and nurturing aspects - but can use or lose them and forge some thing else.

Psychology tells us that our emotions develop - and we expect development alongside other markers, like age - interactions and experiences, and how capability to store and review our ongoing sense of self. Reviewing your sense of self allows you to reshape and grow - evolve with these experiences. So a mother at 40 would not have the same worries as a mother at 20, for 20 years of experiencing the inane life flows allows the 40yo to release these as mere things that can happen. a 20 yo still fears the unknown. 

Some people I have met in my 30s lack this review process - this insight. They have managed to get to adulthood (and parenthood) without insight - without the ability to review - and it fascinates me.

It also repels me - and where I thought they could be saved, loved, changed and supported - I now know - after decades surrounding myself with these people (many of whom are selfish, narcissistic and charismatic) I can spot them, assess them, and even like them. But won't bring them in.

I was built with my heart on my sleeve. The more numbered friends at a party meant for me - the more popular and liked I must be. Now I believe as you age - those people who you trust, really know and love dwindle. My number is no longer a target- my numbers are small. But they are true people.

In my 20s, and 30s, I carried my teenager armour - if I was wronged, they were dead to me. I am learning I can allow those I no longer trust in - at the side, but juggle enjoyment of character but never to be confused with trusting or believing they know me.

My backbone ability allows me to grow into being able to abide people I don't get - with an honest polite interest in skirting around their life- without a need to have them with me, on me, for me. THe backbone has allowed me to change how I take energy from others.

Some adults in their 50s still use tools that worked in their 20s, and get stung. Some don't get stung but wont feel tue love or friendship - ever. Some just glide and seemingly wont ever understand my need to know and feel more. They are not my people - but I no longer desire to avoid or destroy them.

Everyone has this ability - whether nature and nurture moulded them - its a choice to believe you have in you. And you chose not to believe in it. And thats fine too.