Written for You (you know who you are): Or is it? - Know your worth to me

 This one is for you.

You know who you are.

The one of few I deem worthy to love whole.

Although knowing you as I do - you will not believe this is really for you until you find some clarifying line that makes it solidly yours.

Knowing you, even now you are thinking- this isn't for you - its for those she rates more, those shes known longer, those who are closer.

You're wrong.

Its for you.

I wanted to write down, as sometimes verbal telling doesn't express - that I think so very highly of you. More than I ever let you know, more than you will accept for your perception of your own worth, and more than I written words can express.

I am glad and grateful I found you. You weren't expected, - or assumed to be all you are - and yet, I sometimes ponder if we had never met and joined up - where and what I would be.

You're bigger and better than you believe. I don't like to tell you because I am built to believe telling people they are more than only fuels narcisism. It isn't true. I am now free of that belief. You are literally wonderful and don't know it.

I don' tknow if you are all worldly wonderful. I don't know if you are perfect in all streams and historical relationships. I do know your flaws and etched edges make me love you all the more. Your history is not a threat but a loved concept that has made you you now - and brought you to me. 

We didn't know nor asked each other to stay around, peek through the cracks, see the mess inside - and never believed we could be loved more once that was done. But you see me.

and I see you.

and the rest is just noise I have learned to tolerate and like and admire and think pleasant. 

I adore you. Your bones are strong and so sturdy - more than you know - carrying the weight of all I unfold - and still with a smile you provide me. You do it so effortlessly I feel less than not keeping up - not offering more.

I worry I contribute nothing of equal measures but take comfort beleieving if that were true, you too with your might would find fancier giants to walk among. You have followed me in sunshine, and hugged me in shadows. 

You saw my dark side and taught me to acknowledge it - but not allow it to be a tool to shape me. You refused to allow my doubt to consume me - and with gentle quiet words and shoulder standing weeks and tolerating bullshit - you still stay. 

You view me with the same pure I eyes I view you - you know the pain, you hold the taunts, you honour the past. But you see me for now - and you will see me again. I don't think I have ever had that before. I know some poeple don't feel that in a lifetime.

You make me steady and feel honoured to feel a foundation, a common ground we have learned to trust.

You puzzle and fascinate me. You are all I forsaw and nothing I imagined, and yet more than I knew and not as much as I was wary for. You don't meet souls easily that accept souls for their entire entity. You make me feel you do with me. And I hope I somehow make you feel I do for you. 

We don't gush of love. But I sometimes in my shadows fantisise about you losing me - would you be as whole? Would I have been just a brush of the skin in your life, a flick of hair in the breeze you can reset - a somehow remembered thought in the summer grass.

I imagine not. I imagine like for me, if I lost you - I don't think I would ever be whole again. And I know I would not find another soul nor would want too to disclose all my selves and trust I will be loved.

We are too old for challenge now. We accept we are not always our good selves. We hold on when it gets hard to see the laughter. But it comes. 

Just know you are more, to me, than you ever would know in your self. You put yourself down for all you have been shaped by - not noting your worth.

Your worth to me is all I have lived for. And for me, that is so massive its absurd you may still be wondering if this is for you.

Just know it. read that line again and truly know. Without you I didn't realise I wasn't even all me. And with you I feel, for the first time in 40 years, just full.